White Trash

So...today i bought a trucker cap...I look so country bumpkin with it...am i surprised?
Here's some stuff from todays journal entry:
'What am i believing God is going to do in my life? What do i believe about god? God is love?
I was chatting to my manager at work yesterday after popping into Thomas Cook and enquiring about some flights to Australia - £700. In all honesty, i don't see any way that i can physcally pull that amount of money together. Andif i say that i'm believing that god will pull through then i'd be lying. i dont believe in miracles. i dont believe in me. i dont believe in my life. but if i dont believe in any of that then what is there to have faith in? if i dont trust my heavenly father to pull through on a job, woman, £700 to go to australia then what is the point of existense?
We exist to believe! i exist to believe. is there life in blood? is there life in me? if faith is the basis od existense then without faith are we the walking dead?'

...god if you're reading this...talk to me and help me through this dark tunnel.
I love god. I love christ.
But i don't know how to trust. i lost the ability to trust.
I want it back.

Troublesome...something

Just watching TV before I get out to work...and there's an advert for the Renault Clio on...the woman in that advert is the epitome of the word 'sexy'...rediculously amazing girl...marry me.

I wish.

The Rising Wounded

I'm back in a bit of a needy place.

It's like this.

Since August 2004 I've been single. Before I came to Guildford I was a player.
Instead of being a christian I went and got my affirmation from girls and sketchy situations instead of God.
And the last two years i've not learnt that God is the affirmation that is burning away inside me. It's like this...I'll cruise around myspace or faceparty or some other internet based profile thing...and just be like...trying to get compliments out of people.

I don;t know. Perhaps i should just be confident enough with the knowledge that christ sent his son to die on a cross so that i may have a path to the father.
But...i just feel...unloved.
I wish there was such a thing as a great romance.

Watch the time

Honesty never felt so hard. Waiting makes things better but isn't any easier...God show me the path through.

I heart the sunrise

Thirsty

I'm stuck.
I have this piggin dissertation to get through and it's the hardest thing to start I've ever had to do. I think that there's enough in my head but I just don't know how to start.
I've been reading a little book by Joyce Meyer and it's abut just waiting on God and about putting everything that we have to deal with in God's hands.
I can't do this final modules work without the help and hand of my God.

So i'm watching Big Brother...SHAME ON ME!...I have two things to say...Imogen is hot...and WHAT ONE EARTH IS THAT WELSH BOY DOING WITH THAT LEA WOMAN?!

(I can't get Define the great line - Underoath off...that album is BIG)

Why didn't i think of this before?

Thanks jen.

Think about it...then do it.

AIN

Yes you guessed it. It's 2340 on wednesday night and I have decided that i have something incredibly profound to say. So i'm gonna say it...even though no-one reads this. At least this way i feel like i'm doing some journal writing.
I've been spending the last 10 minutes pacing around my house trying to prepare something of remote spiritual depth in my mind. But i can;t find anything.
I just can't get my head around prayer at the moment. I went to a bible college style meeting at church sunday night at the Electric Theatre in Guildford... and there was one concept about prayer that came up that stuck in my head a bit.
When we pray, sometimes...well in fact alot of the time we pray things that we think god wants to hear. When in fact when we pray with honesty then god is getting all of us. In a way - we are bearing our hearts on our sleeves to god.
When was the last time i didn't pull any punches in prayer?
I don't believe in just shouting at god...but like just praying with complete honesty.

God i pray that i can be all that you made me to be.

What are your coping mechanisms?

Do you think that id you changed your coping mechanisms to be more god focussed that life as it happens would be alot simpler?

Like one of the things i do is over analyse stuff...i try and find meaning in the smallest of things...like girls...when you send a text and you put an x at the end...to me it may well mean something...because in the traditional sense i spose its like a kiss...
I dunno
I'm waffling. I'm just gonna watch dodge ball and anchorman and get up with my quotes.
Bless y'all

Lido-core

God bless podcasts, family guy and contact lenses.
So the summer is blatantly here. The time when all the young boys and girls flash their scantily clad bodies in the desperate hope that they can attract someone for a few moments of sexual interest.
I spose it's the 70's fault with all the sexual liberation malarky.
I discovered the beauty of podcasts which has opened a whole new world up to me. Gotta get into that!
I got a trip to the lido planned tomorrow before gospel choir and after I've done some dissertation business.
More diving practise in the big fat pool! Love it.
Gonna get my tan goin and flash my poor physique.
God bless y'all

The way forward

God bless the picture phone, the summer and the sunset.
Lord help me to be the man you designed me to be.