I'll be honest with you. Because I think honesty is important.

I am scared. 

Now let me be clear. 

I am not after fame or recognition. That I have always maintained. That when it comes to worship music be it leading or playing in a worship band, I do not seek the worship of man but to I am seeking to bring glory to you. 

I am scared that I will never find the place in which I can get the songs that have so often been prophesied to be within me, out. 

I enjoy writing music. But I'm sure as I have often said to you or written to you, I have no idea what to say. It at first seems like such a simple thing. 

The problem I have is knowing that I have the ability and character to do that which I have been asked. But as I've wrestled with before, I know that you don't have to be ready to start something. You don't have to be perfect before you can be used in amazing ways. 

I just ask that in the coming weeks and days and months that I can find a home. A place where I find healing and a new understanding of you.

Something that has come into my heart recently is this: I do not mind if I never get to satisfy the human desires of performance as long as I can understand how to love and worship you God.

Give me Love

I've been listening to a lot of Coldplay as of late. Especially the album 'Rush of  Blood To The Head'. Kinda just basking in the expanse of those songs. 

Thinking and dreaming about songs. 

About the songs in me.

I've been contemplating God and his whereabouts.

I've been witnessing events unfold in dreams and desperately searching for what God is trying to say. 

I've walked along cliffs and doused my fears in mud letting speeding winds...speed me along.

I've heard some talks over the last 2 weeks regarding faith. And how important faith is.

Faith in what? 

The people you love? 

The book you love? 

It's words?

What is it so important to have faith in?

Faith is a twofold concept.

On one hand you have faith in God. That is the faith that people talk about the most. Religious faith. The Jewish faith. The Muslim faith.

Then I think that faith can be explained as your belief system. If you say something challenges your faith does it challenge the fact that you have faith, believe in God and what he says or does it question your belief system? The way your christianity, your life is built up.

Recently I made a decision. And in all honesty it has been really quite hard. But I have to have faith that it is God who has guided me to where I am and that it is he who indeed directs my steps.

And that is proving to be one hard exercise. 

I am elsewhere in my head. 

God, grant me rest.

You Alone

I would like to say that I am one who likes to make up his own mind. When it comes to music or a book or perhaps even a film...I would like to say that I am capable of reliably making up my own mind and determining my own opinion.
Like I said....I would like to say.
I don't read many journalistic review supplements or columns so I am into what I see. You might then say that I am missing out on some of the great underground stuff. The sordid creations of the rebellious. The sheer beautiful creations of the suppressed.

Where am I going with this?

Last night contrary to journalistic...desire I guess, I watched Bruce Almighty's weedy cousin - Evan Almighty.

As is with most sequels, the plot was pretty much paper thin and rather sub-par in comparison to the braver more extravagant Bruce Almighty.
However as with those sub-par sequels, if you look hard enough, you can find the little nuggets that are worth writing about or putting on your fridge as a 'thought of the day' as such.
You know what I mean. The kind of thought that says something about disarming your enemies by being their friend. Stuff that you keep coming back to through the day.

So what exactly, I hear you ask, is the part of Evan Almighty that stuck in my mind so?

I shall tell you.

Roughly 40 minutes (1/2 way through the film), Evans wife leaves him after he leaves work and does the seemingly crazy by broadcasting the fact that God has told him to build an ark (or Act of Random Kindness). A mistake if you are a newly appointed congressman in the United States Government right? I mean...who listens to God in the mainstream world these days?
;)
So yeah...the rather attractive middle aged wife leaves her seemingly deranged husband with the kids. Then God, I mean Morgan Freeman, I mean God turns up for little conversation and brings out these gems of wisdom...or something to this effect.

If someone asks for patience, would you give them the immediate patience, or would you give them the opportunity to grow that patience on their own?

I must admit...poor job on the quoting...but the point is there.

How many times have you asked God for patience, joy, love, healing, or faith and then been pretty much immediately disappointed because all you saw was a crappy situation you had to work through.
I know that when I have prayed for those things, I will ask for them then have quite a hard time where (in hindsight I can see that) I had to exercise the very thing I was asking God for.
Whenever I prayed for faith, I would have a busy week like no other and have to totally rely on the knowledge that God would bring me through.
As I can guess when you pray for love. You may endure a situation where you have to learn the ways of the very thing which you ask God for.

I don;t know what my point was in all of this. My head is all over the place I must admit...but that's all for another day.

Love love love.

Dan xx