The first love

You are Alpha and Omega

We worship you our Lord

You are worthy to be praised.

We give you all the glory

We worship you our Lord

You are worthy to be praised.

010508

So I've been thinking. 

I'm sorry, I just can;t help it at times. For example, I was lying in bed for 2 hours trying to sleep. In the end I had to switch the bedside lamp on and empty my head before I could even think of resting my head.

But today was another matter. I arrived back in Melbourne after a couple of days away in New Zealand. Something that hit me whilst in an Auckland Internet cafe was this:

'God, give us your heart is a very dangerous prayer.'

Might not come as much of a surprise to many of you but this generation is writing this into their songs and praying it into their prayers. 

I have a theory about this that I have constructed in one afternoon. So there may well be loopholes and gaps which you intellectuals want to poke it...not my problem.

So my thinking is that the generation of christians that I belong to in the western world are emerging from what I think has perhaps been a confusing time for the church (again, please be reminded that these are just my thoughts). We've had the rise in popularity of the mega-church, the prosperity gospel and lots of other teaching claiming 'you'll be rich if you give us yer money', and the gospel according to positive thinking. 

I think that this generation are reacting. We are. We are the reaction generation. We are the 'who gives a fcuk' generation. Atleast I know that I am. 

And we are very much hungering for something more. We are thirsty for substance and danger and a live that captures our attention. If you're going to live and die for a cause, it may as well be on that you believe in with all your mind, body, heart and soul. The Vision and the Vow by Pete Greig is an amazing book. I truly wish that I had got my head into that book years ago...I still haven't managed to finish it, but the Vision that Pete bases the book around is truly inspiring and makes my heart pound. 

I listen to alot of worship music and am hearing more and more songs about justice and the breaking of our hearts for that which breaks God's heart. 

It's almost a prayer of remorse. That we're saying 'God, we're sorry that our hearts aren't broken for the least of these...Break them we pray.' 

I have prayed some pretty outrageous things in the last few years and am now getting the answers. I would pray things about love. About the fact that our love in our lives is and should be a direct response to the love that christ showed on the cross.  I have prayed that I will go wherever God sends me. That I will sing whatever God puts on my heart to sing. That I will go to the ends of the earth for love. 

And you know what? 

I wouldn't have it any other way. I know that by praying outrageous things, I am going to get trying and outrageous answers to prayer and that my living out that response to prayer may not be easy, or comfortable or seem to make sense to some people, but I will never be able to turn around later and say 'what if...'

God, I never want to be able to ask the question 'what if...'. I mean sometimes it's inevitable...but I don't want to if I don't have to.

That is all.

Starbucks

Just sitting in Starbucks.

I missed out on an opportunity to say hello to some people I know that God wanted me to talk to. You know how I missed this? Because I didn't to look like an idiot. I hate when that happens. I hate when I ignore the voice of God. That's the worst thing.

Connect group here I come.

What can wash away my sin?

What can make me whole again?

Nothing but the blood of Jesus. 

The blood of Jesus.

Is it just me or are there aspects and concepts within Christianity that we have to constantly refamiliarise ourselves with. I guess thats what was meant when Paul instructed that we should constantly engaging in the renewal of our minds. 

And I don't think that comes through listening to some music or by just sitting down and waiting for God to place a tablet of stone in your lap with the answers. That's my figurative attitude by the way. But I guess you could say that Christianity requires more of you than your time. It requires your heart, your dreams, your love - all of which I believe God placed within us for his glory to start with. 

It's like life is the playing out of this diverse and ever changing relationship between us and God. God pursues us through life...and he never gives up. 

Would it be right to call us brothers and sisters in Christ the carriers of the pursuit?...if that makes sense. We carry the love of God that seeks the lost, the hurting, the lonely, the orphaned, the poor. We are the carriers of justice and all that is right.

That is why I pray 'Break my heart for what breaks yours'. That is why I desperately want to understand the ways and intricacies of Gods love. 

But I'm just getting back to a place where that's possible...and I've got Australia in 5 weeks. Which if I'm really honest...I cannot wait for. I hope that I can find God...it's like God hides in different countries for different people. Or that you just feel more at ease and more open to the voice of God when you are goodness knows how many thousand miles away from working nights, worrying about where you are meant to go to church and constantly trying to analyse your own mind and thoughts.

Maybe...just maybe...I can disconnect from those pressures. 

Please...let me disconnect from those pressures for those 5 weeks and get the perspective and revelation that you know I need.

(Listening to: Hillsong United - The I Heart Revolution: With Hearts as One) 

I just ate like...2/3rds of a loaf of bread...

AntiValentines

You knew it was coming didn't you?...I mean honestly...you knew it was coming. 

The one where I get on here and give you my 2 cents on love. And being single. 

And how my opinion matters. 

This is the 4th year that I have been single...and the 6th consecutive one that I have not been with anyone on valentines day. It's just another day though isn't it. You rush down in the morning having laid wide eyed in your bed praying that you'll get a card from someone. It's the kind of hope that you stash in a cupboard...you know the kind of thing that you get and you put in the bottom drawer of your wardrobe to keep it out of sight and out of mind. But every so often when there is no-one else in the house, you'll run up to your room, close all the doors although no-one is due home from work for a good couple of hours and check that what you stowed away is still safe. 

That's the kind of hope that lies in my heart. It's a kind of 'I'm fine with life and where everything is going' but on the days when I'm on my own and all the doors are closed I start to wonder...is all of this ok with me?

I heard something on an album I was listening to today whilst sauntering around town before starting night 10 of 12 and some preacher guy said this: 'The opportunity of a lifetime should be seized in the lifetime of the opportunity'.

I'll just give you a minute to work that out because I've been listening to that album for the last 3 years and only just understood that today.

....

Got it yet?

So how many opportunities have I passed up? How many opportunities of a lifetime have I given up on? How many people of a lifetime have I missed out on?

I don't know. Truth is I'm still working through everything. Although I feel I've had the most normal weekend this weekend gone for months. This is the final week of living at the university and sleeping while no-ones at home. Maybe I'll spend some time looking through that which I have stowed away in my heart and re-evaluating whether or not I should keep it stowed away.

You heard the story of the guys and the talents that were given to them? And by talents I mean biblical money stuffs. 

The guy that went out and buried his incurred wrath of the investor. So what does that mean? Perhaps that rather than worrying about ability and worth, I should be available. At least trying to do that which I know is in my heart to do. 

How does any of this tie in with valentines day? It doesn't really. All I know is that I'm probably going to end up going to my dinner reservation on my own. Which if I'm completely honest with you about, I'm fine with. I'm not worried about being single. I'm not worried that it's been 4 years since I was with someone. Because I know that my heart is to know and love God. So I want to spend time reading and studying the Bible. And that is what I'm trying to do. And believe me...I need help with that. From God to help me concentrate and to reveal the secrets of his word to me throughout. 

Another day...another night shift.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

I'll be honest with you. Because I think honesty is important.

I am scared. 

Now let me be clear. 

I am not after fame or recognition. That I have always maintained. That when it comes to worship music be it leading or playing in a worship band, I do not seek the worship of man but to I am seeking to bring glory to you. 

I am scared that I will never find the place in which I can get the songs that have so often been prophesied to be within me, out. 

I enjoy writing music. But I'm sure as I have often said to you or written to you, I have no idea what to say. It at first seems like such a simple thing. 

The problem I have is knowing that I have the ability and character to do that which I have been asked. But as I've wrestled with before, I know that you don't have to be ready to start something. You don't have to be perfect before you can be used in amazing ways. 

I just ask that in the coming weeks and days and months that I can find a home. A place where I find healing and a new understanding of you.

Something that has come into my heart recently is this: I do not mind if I never get to satisfy the human desires of performance as long as I can understand how to love and worship you God.

Give me Love

I've been listening to a lot of Coldplay as of late. Especially the album 'Rush of  Blood To The Head'. Kinda just basking in the expanse of those songs. 

Thinking and dreaming about songs. 

About the songs in me.

I've been contemplating God and his whereabouts.

I've been witnessing events unfold in dreams and desperately searching for what God is trying to say. 

I've walked along cliffs and doused my fears in mud letting speeding winds...speed me along.

I've heard some talks over the last 2 weeks regarding faith. And how important faith is.

Faith in what? 

The people you love? 

The book you love? 

It's words?

What is it so important to have faith in?

Faith is a twofold concept.

On one hand you have faith in God. That is the faith that people talk about the most. Religious faith. The Jewish faith. The Muslim faith.

Then I think that faith can be explained as your belief system. If you say something challenges your faith does it challenge the fact that you have faith, believe in God and what he says or does it question your belief system? The way your christianity, your life is built up.

Recently I made a decision. And in all honesty it has been really quite hard. But I have to have faith that it is God who has guided me to where I am and that it is he who indeed directs my steps.

And that is proving to be one hard exercise. 

I am elsewhere in my head. 

God, grant me rest.

You Alone

I would like to say that I am one who likes to make up his own mind. When it comes to music or a book or perhaps even a film...I would like to say that I am capable of reliably making up my own mind and determining my own opinion.
Like I said....I would like to say.
I don't read many journalistic review supplements or columns so I am into what I see. You might then say that I am missing out on some of the great underground stuff. The sordid creations of the rebellious. The sheer beautiful creations of the suppressed.

Where am I going with this?

Last night contrary to journalistic...desire I guess, I watched Bruce Almighty's weedy cousin - Evan Almighty.

As is with most sequels, the plot was pretty much paper thin and rather sub-par in comparison to the braver more extravagant Bruce Almighty.
However as with those sub-par sequels, if you look hard enough, you can find the little nuggets that are worth writing about or putting on your fridge as a 'thought of the day' as such.
You know what I mean. The kind of thought that says something about disarming your enemies by being their friend. Stuff that you keep coming back to through the day.

So what exactly, I hear you ask, is the part of Evan Almighty that stuck in my mind so?

I shall tell you.

Roughly 40 minutes (1/2 way through the film), Evans wife leaves him after he leaves work and does the seemingly crazy by broadcasting the fact that God has told him to build an ark (or Act of Random Kindness). A mistake if you are a newly appointed congressman in the United States Government right? I mean...who listens to God in the mainstream world these days?
;)
So yeah...the rather attractive middle aged wife leaves her seemingly deranged husband with the kids. Then God, I mean Morgan Freeman, I mean God turns up for little conversation and brings out these gems of wisdom...or something to this effect.

If someone asks for patience, would you give them the immediate patience, or would you give them the opportunity to grow that patience on their own?

I must admit...poor job on the quoting...but the point is there.

How many times have you asked God for patience, joy, love, healing, or faith and then been pretty much immediately disappointed because all you saw was a crappy situation you had to work through.
I know that when I have prayed for those things, I will ask for them then have quite a hard time where (in hindsight I can see that) I had to exercise the very thing I was asking God for.
Whenever I prayed for faith, I would have a busy week like no other and have to totally rely on the knowledge that God would bring me through.
As I can guess when you pray for love. You may endure a situation where you have to learn the ways of the very thing which you ask God for.

I don;t know what my point was in all of this. My head is all over the place I must admit...but that's all for another day.

Love love love.

Dan xx