I wonder how many people feel that they have been done a great dis-service by god.

I wonder how many people reject god because of the picture that has been painted for them by the so-called shepherds.

What is my picture? I don;t know.

I just watched a short dvd which is part of a series called Nooma.

The word Nooma is an English phonetic spelling of the Greek word pneuma, which is commonly translated to “spirit” or “breath”.

In this short film the author, Rob Bell, tells the story of a stolen white ball. His eldest son stole the ball from a family assumedly while he was visiting. When questioned about the ball he reacts in a somewhat questionable manner. Acting strangely denying all knowledge of this ball.

Days later the boys are at home with their mother playing when a fight erupts. The younger son gets hit and runs to mum.

Again the older son denies the accusation of committing the act of hitting.

His mother calmly responds 'just like you didn;t know about the white ball?'.

Busted.

He then proceeds to run and hide.

Then dad comes home and searches for his son. Not in his bedrooms. Not in his brothers bedroom. Not in the bathroom. But under the covers of his parents bed.
Dad draws the covers back (and here is what I'm getting at. This is what rang clear with me) and his son has a choice. He can either pull the covers back over and hide or he can lie there on the bed exposed to his dad. He sits on his bed with his son just saying 'There's nothing you could do that would make me love you any less'.

I have spent years running and hiding from god. Getting tattoos to reassure myself of gods presence, and yet still making the same mistakes.

And approximately 5-6 years after all of this started I'm still on the run.

Imagine a bank robber. Smashing through the front door of a bank in his prime. He seizes what isn;t his and makes a dash for it.

Years later still on the run he has grown weary and tired. Spent his winnings from that fateful day.

Bottom line. I don;t know how to get right.

I don;t know how to make it right.