ED

There was a line that I just heard in ED which i thought was classic:

"In case you haven't seen, I'm not THAT attractive! I'll probably never have another date!"

I AM Warren Cheswick

I did something that I always want to do last night.
I went and experienced the raw power of God.
In case you're wondering just what on earth I'm talking about - I went and sttod in the rain and walked up and down my road in trousers and flipflops letting the rain just fall. It's funny looking at nature...God made these things so that we would stand in awe of his power....
Psalm 93

...that renault advert...haha.

Irony

Do you ever think...am I in the 'Dan Barrett show' - or whatever your show would be called.
Like the Truman show...but your own?

We're either in our own Truman show or God exists.

I vote God...though my own tele show would be fun.

Joseph

So i sat down at this one wanting to just write without stopping and without thinking. But then someone came round to drop off my amp from borrowing it.

I went to a wedding this weekend...the wedding of James Earley. It was quite funny because i was pretending to be a trainee BA pilot for the day and there were a couple of girls on our table who bought it hook line and sinker.
The photo on what i hope is the right of this text was the view as the sun set.
I enjoyed having a bit of wine and having some fun.
But weddings are i think quite a sinister animal and let me explain to you why that is.
The service is all celebration. you sing some songs you applaud you shed tears of joy and you take some photos. Then you have the reception you mingle you start drinking...then you eat. And that was when the great big ugly beast reared it's head.
I was like...I want to make a speach.
Not becaase i love being the centre of attention - that aside..i want to be the one with a best man with everyone looking at me and my missus thinking...'god got this one right'.
As i said to a good friend on the day 'weddings are great until you have the terrible moment of realisation of "sh*t! I'm nowhere as near to any of this than i first thought! infact i'm even furhter away from any of this than i thought!"'

There was another dear friend of mine who was being pursued by 3 women on the day and he said about one of them last night (this is what a friend's girlfriend who was at the wedding said) "when a girl who has the attention of an attractive, popular guy sees him entertaining the thought of another girl then she gets a bit jealous even though she doesn;t want the guy herself per se".
And i was just thinking...my good friend whom i love as my very own brother, has alot of things playing in his favour. He is a popular guy with female options.

And then a question popped into my head. 'What have I got?'

What HAVE I got? Ok so it was a wedding and that was it...but i don't think i have anything.

You know what this is really about. This is about kissing dating goodbye. Well no this isnt about some uppity book that is full of Americanisms...this is about me drawing my affirmation and sense of worth from who i am through Christ.
I don't want marriage yet. I want the affirmation. The sense of self-worth that being in a relationship, a member of the opposite provides.
Where did I lose it?...If someone sees it can they post it to me?

I feel a distinct urge for God to crash into my life like a big tonne of bricks. I want God to reshape the brick wall that is my faith (if you haven't read Velvet Elvis then I suggest you do...I just bought the audio book off itunes cuz i cant be bothered to read it...aaah god bless the future)

At church yesterday I sat all the way through a very challenging sermon just staring straight ahead thinking 'this doesnt apply to me - i don;t have to listen to you'...i heckled a bit and i chipped in with a humourous comment...well what i thought was humourous...and then tuned out instantaneously.
Then God got me.
I cried. I sobbed. And God said to be 'I want you to dream - you CAN dream'

I've struggled with issues of disappointment of not trying to do something because of the fear of failure. And I haven;t let myself dream because I'm sh*t scared that my dreams will not materialise.
But like in every good action hero story You have to try.

Man now I'm fired up.
I wanna be a hero now. I want to go and change the whole world!!

But one step at a time. First i have to get through the end of this degree and get into the wide world.
Then we'll see what happens.

Have you ever been so excited by the sights of creation that you just wanted to scream?
There are sights in creation that excite me...like a sunset...like the sun poking through the clouds mid afternoon... like a sunRISE...like the stars on a clear warm night.
God did all of these things so he could wow us...life is one big romance.

I want in.

Heat, transcriptions and dissertations

I've hit this kind of brick wall where my mind won't focus. I don't know how to clear it and focus on this work i have to do!!
I've been at home on the isle of wight for the last few days and have been enjoying the sun and the sea. I miss being near the sea.

I just want this all to be finished. I want to be out of my degree and have a job and start living life.

www.myspace.com/wherewithall

www.myspace.com/supergeekrockexplosion

God - inspire me.

I might have to get back on the Sigur Ros.

I told you I travel in style

So wedding rehearsal in trowbridge today after playing at st johns on stoke road.

God bless music. And journeys.

I want to create the kind of music that inspires. That excites the imagination.

The kind of music that raises the dead...through inspiration of the holy spirit.

God give me courage and the inspiration to create for the glory of your kingdom.

I travel in style.


I live and learn.

We all do.

The mind is a battlefield where we fight daily. Maybe this is the one battlefield where we really need to win. Where we really need to grasp the victory that Christ gifted to us and take hold of the freedom given.

It is because of a man on a tree.

It's that simple. It's that frustratingly simple.

The simple things are never that easy to grasp because they're simple and we expect a concept so life giving to be more complicated...but it's not.

(Andrae Crouch - Mighty Wind...O hallelujah, we give him the honour, we give him the praise)

University is the most off-putting time of any persons life. It's an experience but it sure does turn you upside down.

I want to be needed.

Thoughts of a travelling bachelor

So I’m sitting on a train that I just hopped onto at Birmingham. I’ve found over various train journeys that it is more favourable to not try and write in my journal trusting that I’ll be ok to write in a straight line… Trains lie.
So I just stayed with my sister Jen in Shrewsbury for a couple of days. It’s certainly been nice to get away. I rarely find that I am able to get out and find peace. When I get home I either want to go out and meet people or I just want to relax.
So what do I believe in? I believe in God. I believe in the God that loves. The God that so loved the world that he sent his only son, Jesus Christ, to die on a cross so that all who accept his death may have the promise of eternal life. I believe that God created the world. Whether in seven days or as a perfect pre-made state or what I do not know. I suppose that my personal knowledge shall grow only as I study and read the bible more.
I believe in the Jesus who loves. Who as Aaron Gillespie from the great band Underoath put it – ‘hung out with whores and hookers’. Why is that a concept that seems to be lost on a lot of the middle class churches? There are so many churches out there (dare I say…sorry for the sweeping statement…add pinch of salt here) that reject and frown upon having certain people be it handicapped, kids from the rough estate area, jobless, unsaved, smokers, drinkers, whatever afflictions have fallen upon them…I mean I’m guilty of it too!
I remember being in my church at home and wondering why a couple of kids came to the church youth group I went to. But I didn’t have a grasp on the love of Christ. Now I still struggle with these things but I suppose I understand the love of Christ more. Take the Passion of the Christ. A film that I think is full of brutal honesty.
I believe that film started us along the road of repairing some of the damage that the church and half-baked Christians have done to the name of our saviour.

I believe in radical thinking. I believe in dangerous thinking. Just typing that brings a smile to my face. I think it was last summer, I was reading Wild at Heart by John Eldridge, a book that I still haven’t managed to finish. One thing that my Great uncle asked me after picking up the book for a flick through was ‘Do you really think Jesus was a DANGEROUS man?’ This subject really excites me…I think Jesus was a dangerous man in an unconventional sense. His thinking was and does today bring danger to society. For it is a radical and unpaired thinking that can if lived out change the face of this planet. Jesus loved regardless.

Why do I believe in radical thinking? I suppose that ever since I have been a teenager…well even since a small child I’ve learnt that shocking people gets more attention. Well it did in my parents’ household. I shocked with swearing, tattoos, dare I say bad decisions. I mean…I’m sitting on this train with a t-shirt that says ‘Jesus Loves Porn Stars’. If I was sat next to Jesus would he approve of this t-shirt? Is this t-shirt projecting a misrepresentation of what I actually want to say? I don’t know…but I don’t think that people expect radical thinking. The Pharisees and Jews weren’t expecting the kind of thinking that Jesus came out with. Maybe that’s why they killed him. Because his teachings didn’t match up to the claims that they thought their messiah would make. Well no…they killed him because that was the destiny of Christ. To die for the sins of the world.

I believe in the Holy Spirit. I believe in the power of God. I believe in the gifts of the Holy Spirit. I believe in speaking in tongues. I believe in praying in tongues. I believe in God’s healing power. I believe in prophecy and visions appointed by God.
As controversial as I may be I also believe in the devil. I believe that he longs for nothing more than the destruction of Gods kingdom. And I believe in the ongoing battle that we face as soldiers of Christ. As Christians.

I believe in heaven. I believe that one day I shall come face to face with my heavenly father and then and only then shall I be truly home. Some roam the face of this planet in search of a home. But this is our home…for now. Until I get called up to be with God, I shall do my best to bring the glory of God to this earth. To the people that do not know him.

Do I travel and do this? Do I do this by staying in Guildford or moving to Exeter or to Australia?
Who knows?…only God. Which I must say I find truly exciting.

Cut n Paste

Man alive (that’s my new favourite phrase!!).
So I just finished watching todays episode of what has to be one of the best tv programmes in the world - ED.
The story is of a late 20 something lawyer who was jilted at the alter who returned to his small time suburban home called Stuckeyville. The programme documents the up and down relationship between Ed Stevens and local hotty teacher Carol Vessy.
So lately Carol got jilted at the alter by her hubby to be…whos name I can’t remember. But the thing that struck me about todays episode what the ending. It’s been going on for a long time…him chasing her and her turning his advances down. Deep down her not thinking that she is worthy of his out of place romantic gestures…So…women. What’s the score?
As a young gentleman…do I bother pursuing a female that I have taken a liking to by showing affection through gestures such as flowers, dinners etc etc.
I honestly don’t know. Because everything you do as a man pursuing a woman there has to be commitment behind the gesture doesn’t there? Is that the way it has always been? So if I wanted to just make a nice gesture to someone I do admittedly like by sending some flowers welcoming her into her new home…is that wrong?

So on other topics, I’ve been spending the last couple of days in Shrewsbury with my sister and have been trying to get a little bit of work done on my dissertation. I hopped on a train from Guildford to Reading to Wolverhampton then bus from Wolverhampton to here at Shrewsbury. And on the bus journey I was blessed enough to witness the sun poking through the clouds. It was one of those moments when you look out at the scenery and just wonder how people can think that this world was born out of sheer chance. I just happened to be listening to Sigur Ros - one of those bands that I told myself I would not get into because of the underground fuss that buzzed around them. But I tell you what. That music accompanied by scenes as beautiful as those I bore witness to is awesome. I was thinking…’when God made the earth I bet he had this album blasting out in the background’.
Israel and New Breed has been filling my head…phenominally phat worhsip sounds.

Amendment

I was just thinking about something i put in my 21 facts...heres one to replace the one where i said i secretly am not that good...here it is...

I'm better than i give myself credit for.

Hazaaah!!

So today i fnally got my passport through the post. I can finally go travelling and go out on a friday night!! After a year of being stuck in my room i can finally get out and live a little...and live. Now i have to finish this degree and get through life.

God bless life...even though things can get a bit warped.

I sent someone some flowers...she wasn't too receptive...maybe it just freaked her out a bit. Women are one entity that i do not understand.
I pray that one day i shall understand and land me an absolute diamond. God bless family and doing life the right way

21 facts

I saw this on a couple of other peoples blogs...I was 21 in february and never did it...maybe you'll learn something

I've made some big mistakes that i wish i hadn't made

i'm secretly naive and insecure.

i don't know what i want to run away from.

i have the highest respect for my parents and the sacrifices they have made for me and my sisters. I hope that i can be half the parent mine have been to me.

i think i sweat too much.

i shaved my armpits last summer in the hope that i wouldn't sweat so much...it didn't work.

i'm not that good on the bass.

i put 4 different tattoos on my body in the hope that i would find a new and deeper sense of identity. No i have that identity but it came from christ.

i long to sing.

i check my myspace page daily in the hope that a girl will have left a message telling me jut how hot she thinks i am.

one time when having an argument with an ex she said 'my parents were right about you...' i replied without thinking 'about what? how much of a F***ing C**t i am?'...

I regret my bitterness

i wish i had worked harder at my degree

the last cigarette i had was on saturday night

i'm afraid to lead to i always make sure i stay in the background

mumps was possibly one of the most painful and embarrassing experiences of my life

i was once put under citizens arrest by a local radio presenter for kicking a bin on the beach

jumping into the sea pretty much fully clothed was possibly the most liberating experiences i ever embarked on

i had the top of my left ear pierced but had to take it out 5 days later because it hurt so much...my ear began to stick out at a right angle.

i never got romance because i never thought i had it in me

im scared of my teeth falling out

...i once had a mohawk...and my parents hated it...they were so'dissapointed' in me. HAHA