AntiValentines

You knew it was coming didn't you?...I mean honestly...you knew it was coming. 

The one where I get on here and give you my 2 cents on love. And being single. 

And how my opinion matters. 

This is the 4th year that I have been single...and the 6th consecutive one that I have not been with anyone on valentines day. It's just another day though isn't it. You rush down in the morning having laid wide eyed in your bed praying that you'll get a card from someone. It's the kind of hope that you stash in a cupboard...you know the kind of thing that you get and you put in the bottom drawer of your wardrobe to keep it out of sight and out of mind. But every so often when there is no-one else in the house, you'll run up to your room, close all the doors although no-one is due home from work for a good couple of hours and check that what you stowed away is still safe. 

That's the kind of hope that lies in my heart. It's a kind of 'I'm fine with life and where everything is going' but on the days when I'm on my own and all the doors are closed I start to wonder...is all of this ok with me?

I heard something on an album I was listening to today whilst sauntering around town before starting night 10 of 12 and some preacher guy said this: 'The opportunity of a lifetime should be seized in the lifetime of the opportunity'.

I'll just give you a minute to work that out because I've been listening to that album for the last 3 years and only just understood that today.

....

Got it yet?

So how many opportunities have I passed up? How many opportunities of a lifetime have I given up on? How many people of a lifetime have I missed out on?

I don't know. Truth is I'm still working through everything. Although I feel I've had the most normal weekend this weekend gone for months. This is the final week of living at the university and sleeping while no-ones at home. Maybe I'll spend some time looking through that which I have stowed away in my heart and re-evaluating whether or not I should keep it stowed away.

You heard the story of the guys and the talents that were given to them? And by talents I mean biblical money stuffs. 

The guy that went out and buried his incurred wrath of the investor. So what does that mean? Perhaps that rather than worrying about ability and worth, I should be available. At least trying to do that which I know is in my heart to do. 

How does any of this tie in with valentines day? It doesn't really. All I know is that I'm probably going to end up going to my dinner reservation on my own. Which if I'm completely honest with you about, I'm fine with. I'm not worried about being single. I'm not worried that it's been 4 years since I was with someone. Because I know that my heart is to know and love God. So I want to spend time reading and studying the Bible. And that is what I'm trying to do. And believe me...I need help with that. From God to help me concentrate and to reveal the secrets of his word to me throughout. 

Another day...another night shift.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

I'll be honest with you. Because I think honesty is important.

I am scared. 

Now let me be clear. 

I am not after fame or recognition. That I have always maintained. That when it comes to worship music be it leading or playing in a worship band, I do not seek the worship of man but to I am seeking to bring glory to you. 

I am scared that I will never find the place in which I can get the songs that have so often been prophesied to be within me, out. 

I enjoy writing music. But I'm sure as I have often said to you or written to you, I have no idea what to say. It at first seems like such a simple thing. 

The problem I have is knowing that I have the ability and character to do that which I have been asked. But as I've wrestled with before, I know that you don't have to be ready to start something. You don't have to be perfect before you can be used in amazing ways. 

I just ask that in the coming weeks and days and months that I can find a home. A place where I find healing and a new understanding of you.

Something that has come into my heart recently is this: I do not mind if I never get to satisfy the human desires of performance as long as I can understand how to love and worship you God.

Give me Love

I've been listening to a lot of Coldplay as of late. Especially the album 'Rush of  Blood To The Head'. Kinda just basking in the expanse of those songs. 

Thinking and dreaming about songs. 

About the songs in me.

I've been contemplating God and his whereabouts.

I've been witnessing events unfold in dreams and desperately searching for what God is trying to say. 

I've walked along cliffs and doused my fears in mud letting speeding winds...speed me along.

I've heard some talks over the last 2 weeks regarding faith. And how important faith is.

Faith in what? 

The people you love? 

The book you love? 

It's words?

What is it so important to have faith in?

Faith is a twofold concept.

On one hand you have faith in God. That is the faith that people talk about the most. Religious faith. The Jewish faith. The Muslim faith.

Then I think that faith can be explained as your belief system. If you say something challenges your faith does it challenge the fact that you have faith, believe in God and what he says or does it question your belief system? The way your christianity, your life is built up.

Recently I made a decision. And in all honesty it has been really quite hard. But I have to have faith that it is God who has guided me to where I am and that it is he who indeed directs my steps.

And that is proving to be one hard exercise. 

I am elsewhere in my head. 

God, grant me rest.

You Alone

I would like to say that I am one who likes to make up his own mind. When it comes to music or a book or perhaps even a film...I would like to say that I am capable of reliably making up my own mind and determining my own opinion.
Like I said....I would like to say.
I don't read many journalistic review supplements or columns so I am into what I see. You might then say that I am missing out on some of the great underground stuff. The sordid creations of the rebellious. The sheer beautiful creations of the suppressed.

Where am I going with this?

Last night contrary to journalistic...desire I guess, I watched Bruce Almighty's weedy cousin - Evan Almighty.

As is with most sequels, the plot was pretty much paper thin and rather sub-par in comparison to the braver more extravagant Bruce Almighty.
However as with those sub-par sequels, if you look hard enough, you can find the little nuggets that are worth writing about or putting on your fridge as a 'thought of the day' as such.
You know what I mean. The kind of thought that says something about disarming your enemies by being their friend. Stuff that you keep coming back to through the day.

So what exactly, I hear you ask, is the part of Evan Almighty that stuck in my mind so?

I shall tell you.

Roughly 40 minutes (1/2 way through the film), Evans wife leaves him after he leaves work and does the seemingly crazy by broadcasting the fact that God has told him to build an ark (or Act of Random Kindness). A mistake if you are a newly appointed congressman in the United States Government right? I mean...who listens to God in the mainstream world these days?
;)
So yeah...the rather attractive middle aged wife leaves her seemingly deranged husband with the kids. Then God, I mean Morgan Freeman, I mean God turns up for little conversation and brings out these gems of wisdom...or something to this effect.

If someone asks for patience, would you give them the immediate patience, or would you give them the opportunity to grow that patience on their own?

I must admit...poor job on the quoting...but the point is there.

How many times have you asked God for patience, joy, love, healing, or faith and then been pretty much immediately disappointed because all you saw was a crappy situation you had to work through.
I know that when I have prayed for those things, I will ask for them then have quite a hard time where (in hindsight I can see that) I had to exercise the very thing I was asking God for.
Whenever I prayed for faith, I would have a busy week like no other and have to totally rely on the knowledge that God would bring me through.
As I can guess when you pray for love. You may endure a situation where you have to learn the ways of the very thing which you ask God for.

I don;t know what my point was in all of this. My head is all over the place I must admit...but that's all for another day.

Love love love.

Dan xx

Is how it goes

Classic.

The other guy syndrome.

No matter how much you think you're winning, someone else wins. Someone who should win. Someone who is more right than you. But that doesn;t stop your hopes from being dashed does it?

That doesn't stop you from wondering about what you could've changed or done differently does it?

Really really...

If I'm honest?

I'm dying to meet you.

Here is Love

Here is Love.

As vast as oceans deep.
As wide as open valleys.
This is Love.

Love victorious.
Love courageous.
Love strong.
Love that never ends.

Love that casts away hurt and pain.
Love that searches through the depths of a mans heart
Love that knitted you together in your mothers womb.

Love that has been where I have been,
is with me now,
and knows where I am going.

This is Love.

Love that finds the lost.
That cares for the lonely and comforts those in need.

This is Love.

Love that stretches its arms as far as the east is from the west.
Love that signed a new covenant.
A Love that bears the weight of the world and hears its prayers day after day.

Love that gave blood, sweat and tears.
That overcame temptation and the grave.
That once and for all declared

'IT IS FINISHED'

This is the Love I know.

The Love I give.

The Love I have.

This is Jesus.

Do your clouds stop his voice?

Hearts aren't really our guides.
We are truly alone.
'Cause God ain't up in the sky,
Holding together our bones.

Remember we used to speak.
Now I'm starting to think,
Your voice was really my own,
Bouncing off the ceiling back to me.

God, this can't be.
God, this can't be,
God, could it be that all we see is it?

Won't you come down, heaven.
Won't you come down?
Won't you cut through the clouds?
Won't you come down?
(Did your clouds stop his voice?)

Oh, my heaven, why do you have doors to close?
Do you have clouds to stop his voice?

God, this can't be.
God, this can't be,
God, could it be that all we see is it?

God, does grace reach to this side of madness?
'Cause I know this can't be,
The great peace we all seek.

Come down, heaven.
Won't you come down?
Won't you cut through the clouds?
Won't you come down?

As Cities Burn - Contact

Have...

...you ever met someone who is part of everything you wanted to be part of and everything you wanted to be?

Have you ever wished for a life less ordinary?

Have you ever endured a frustration that you can do nothing to change?

This is one of those things that will work out in time.

Wishing life on a desert island was an option.

Why?

This is just an exploration for my spirit. I’m in the midst of writing a song of which the chorus presently goes like this:

‘O Lord,

We come to you,

With praises on our hearts,

Praises on our hearts.’

And abstractly, I think that to write a full song about the praises of God that come from my heart I need to understand just why it is that I praise God.

So that leads me to the question, why do we praise someone/thing?

When would it be appropriate to praise a child or loved one?

Why on earth would we praise God?

Because of all that he’s done, all that is doing and all that he will do. Because he is the same yesterday, today and forever. Because he sent his son, he sent love for me and the entirety of humanity.

Why do you go on a Sunday morning to sing songs to God? How do you determine whether or not someone is worthy of praise?

I talk about someone/thing - I mean God.

Surely, as the people of God…or any monarch, principality or power, we should praise that which we declare is sovereign over us?

So it would then be fair so put as point 1, that we praise God because it is our duty. It is our privilege through rain or shine to lift up our ruler. Our provider.

God is the creator of all things. I think it ties in with point 1, with God being sovereign, I think that we praise God because that is what he made us for. And in my mind there is no greater act for the collective body of God to do than to come together and raise their voices and spirits in agreement, lifting up the name of God.

 

Back to the root question, Why praise God?

Why would you come to God with praise? I think as much as anything else that we say to God, he hears our praises. Just as Matt Redman wrote in the song Blessed Be Your Name, ‘You give and take away, you give and take away, but still my heart will say, Lord, Blessed be your name’.

Because the praises and prayers (which I think go hand in hand) mixed with faith moves God. I think that when his people respond earnestly both individually and corporately, then God hears that. God will hear the one heartfelt, whisper of a cry amongst a barrage of clanging cymbals.

God is the same yesterday and forever. As is all that he has done for us. Those saved and unsaved. His mercies endure forever.

 

Which leads me to ask, what exactly is it that God has done for me?

I guess I’ll tackle the biblical things first.

God has given me salvation – a term which I think perhaps used rather carelessly these days and a topic which is seemingly larger than I at first may have estimated.

Salvation as I understand it is the ballpark are of what Jesus has done for me. Well ok, let me refine that…it is what is given to me through what Jesus has done for me. It is the gift of eternal life and right-standing with God the Father.

And through salvation, I have been given the gift of the Holy Spirit. The same spirit that lives in Christ, lives in me. The Holy Spirit is an immense tool and resource that as a Christian I have access to. With the Spirit of God comes power, healing (all sorts of healing – both physical and emotional), creativity, dreams & visions, insight into the word of God and so much more.

Isaiah 53 speaks of what the death of the saviour of the world will do hundreds and hundreds of years before the birth of Christ. One particular part of the passage I want to focus in on is that which says ‘…and by his stripes, we are healed…’. I believe this applies to both emotional and physical healing. The stripes of Christ, the wounds he suffered which were rightfully mine, break the back of the sin and pain that I may feel or endure.

Saviour of the World

In a random way...I still live in Christian city. And it's giving me a headache...the books...they're a paragraph on their own.

So thus beginneth my rant.

Ok...this isn't a rant. This is a headache.

This is a tired 22 year old watching the last disc of season 5 of 24.

With countless books sprawled across his mess of a room marked 2, 3, or 4 chapters in. Some are even audaciously marked at chapter 10/14...but very very few actually finished.

Just what is it that I'm trying to achieve? What is it that I'm putting off from doing?

I have a job...I am a worship leader...I am a bass player...

What do I want to be? What do I want to become?

I understand that the whole thing is a journey yadda yadda yadda.

But you know what I kinda feel like I have another useless analogy for where I am in life...and for what is going on in my head. It's one that I'm sure you have seen and heard many a time.

So this weekend gone, my housemate and I decide on an impromptu road trip to the sweet sweet city of Paris.
We leave at 230am Saturday morning and drive to Dover...Hop on a Euro Tunnel train £98 lighter and sleep our way into Calais. We drive for an hour or so seducing the sun to rise sweetly as we carve our way south on the wrong side of the road.
So we stop, we have a coffee, we sleep, then we continue au droit into sweet Paris.

So some road, a couple of toll booths, and a big French stadium pass.

We walk 7 miles (approx) from car park to Eiffel Tower passing through Hindu districts and red light districts, stopping off at 'authentic' art dealers, a rustic cafe where our disability to speak or understand French becomes inherently clear.

SO...long story short.

We walk back another 7 miles to the car and attempt to drive out and find a public house that will serve us some chilled refreshments and allow us to watch the reason we drove (well Dave drove...I 'copiloted'...but that's another story) goodness knows how many hundreds of miles.

So we walk out of the pub post Rugby with our tails between our legs and blisters nagging away at our ankles.

And thus begins the avid search. For our way home. The road bearing the name A1...and thus turning into E15.
Sounds simple enough right?
You could NOT be more wrong.
We then seem to endure what seems to be roughly a 90 minute detour, frustrated exchanges of words debating what turnoffs we should or should not have taken, and the French Police. By God these guys don't like English tourists. Or tired English sportsfans who try and race through an 'amber' light. Last time we try that on the continent.

But it was all fine. We got on the A1 eventually and got back on the train, and slept...I think I owe it to Dave to make it known that I sacrificed the last change we had on a Cappuccino...for myself.
In my defence...Dave was having a quick kip...and my logic led me to believe that he would get sufficient restoration from 15 minutes of light napping...

Being tired can do that to you.

So all in all...a wonderful adventure I assure you - we both got back in time to play music at church and spent our Sunday afternoons on sofas sleeping the whole thing off.

My point.

Is that you know where you want to go. In your head. But your experience at your destination can be rushed, tiring, and can even give you blisters on your feet because you park the car an unusually far distance from where you actually want to go.
My focus is our journey out.
You see I would like to wager that had we stayed in a hostel somewhere and not tried to race back for Sunday morning then we wouldn;t have got lost. We wouldn't have taken the same detour along the A86 and A3 (there is one in Paris...imagine just how sweet it would've been if we had stumbled upon a teleportation road that took us straight back to Guildford...one can only dream...) and I know that I wouldn't have spent 2 hours of the journey punching Dave and asking him stupid questions in a last ditch effort to keep him awake.
Yes I saw a Petrol station on the way home...but I thought it would be funny to see what sleep deprivation did to the driver of a car obviously.

Though life can be likened to a journey somewhere or a road trip that we are all seemingly on, if we do not take the appropriate time out, we end up making rash decisions, the same mistakes repeatedly and we waste time. Time that could be spent elsewhere more effectively.

Does that make sense?

I think it will...and I know it's an analogy that has many times been explained.

The heart behind it is that I'm tired and I need to sleep it off. I need to recover. I need to take back the parts of my heart that have been chipped away over months of work and no rest.

And I do not think that it is ever a bad thing to do those things.

But it's just finding the time right?...


Ironic no?

x x

Bless this mess

I kinda don;t know what it is that I want to say this morning.
I woke sharply this morning after a good refreshing 8 hours sleep.

I just spent the last 56 minutes perched on my windowsill anticipating the rising of the sun. Finally figuring that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. That's the right way round isn't it?

I watched Garden State last night. Now..I'm no cinematography analyst but that film was not very good. I mean sure...it painted a wonderful picture of the boy who felt nothing because his grouch of a father put him on medication and sent him away...but I'm sorry...the whole thing was just quite nothingy.
I mean the bit where he kisses Natalie Portman? Not convinced.

I guess I am just still in a weird place.

I understand that alot of what I'm typing is just going to come across as cryptic nonsense and unless you know me that's what it will remain.

I'm confused by the presence of God. By what it is. By what ushers it into a place. Is it the heart of one man? The collective heart of many? Or is it the sound that rises up from a place?
I personally don;t think that God is moved by a sound. I don;t think that God cares about how polished something looks. He cares about the heart with which we bring what we have be it amazing or terrible.

Imagine this:

A 4 year old child arrives home at 1130am having spent the last 2 and a half hours in nursery. It gives mum a break while she nurses the newborn and dad is at the office paying the bills and keeping the roof over their heads.
Now the 4 year old comes home having spent a good hour of the morning painting a picture of the family. As 4 year olds go, this painting is going to be their impression of the family. It's their heart on canvas.
The child presents the picture to mum and what do you think her reaction will be?

'Oh sorry...You really think I'm going to put that anywhere on public display? That's hardly presentable for people to see. That's going straight into a drawer'

or

That's amazing! Who's that?...and how long did it take you? This is going straight up on the fridge you little artist.'

Ok so here's the point I guess I'm trying to get out.

Does God really give a damn about the quality of what we give? I think that yes, it is important to give our best to God, but not at the price of our hearts. If you sacrifice the heart behind something then it might as well not be done.
The reason I sing praise to God is because I love him. I pray and I pray and I pray that it never becomes a chore. That singing praises to God never becomes void of any heart on my behalf.
I guess I am just privately questioning the reason behind some things that I put so much into.

I'll leave you with this:

God, I would much rather sing as a child draws than to paint as a superstar plays. Strike any pride from within me and keep me humble I pray.

Does that make sense?

Seeing Clearly

I was reading my bible notes this morning before I began some work from the home office... and we've finished the lil stint in the Psalms which was cool.
Now it's onto the centre of life as such - Jesus.

Mark 8 v 22-26

Think of how you first came to Jesus. Think of the people who led you to him.

I am now going to skip out a big chunk of content from the study guide and just go onto the questions at the end of todays notes.

Where is your focus today?

Is your mind consumed by your problems, or are you looking to Jesus?

Only he can set us free to worship God, only he can give is a new perspective.

I am praying for his perspective. I am praying for his heart. I am praying that I can just learn to 'be'. I think about things too much..as some of you may well know. But I think I need to think less about things...and learn to be. I think that when you learn to be relaxed - in your esteem and with who you are, then there's great power found...because there's a clear line of sight.
The response section of the notes talks about allowing my problems to take their rightful place - in the hands of God.

So in an attempt to see more clearly, I am imposing a fast as such. I am not going to be on myspace until Monday. That's...4 days. I shall be fasting all food until Sunday dinner time in the evening.
During this time, I'm praying for church, our pastor, the worship which I'm leading on Sunday and the things that are upon my heart.

My chains are gone I've been set free,
My God my Saviour has ransomed me,
And like a flood his mercy rains,
Amazing Love, Amazing Grace.

I will be on txt and my mobile.

Big love to the whole world.

Dan x x

The Great Romance

There are a lot of things going on right now that in all honesty I just don't understand. I understand principles, but not circumstances.
I'm over-using the phrases 'I guess' and 'does that make sense?' because life is a lot of guess work and not much makes sense.
In all honesty.

It's late on Wednesday night and I'm visiting the days of being a 17 year old boy whose weeks were music and cigarrettes and weekends were breakfast shifts at McDonalds. Everyone know music is powerful and in a moment can send a 22 yr old back to being 19 on the phone smoking sneakily out the bedroom window.

I'm trying to make head and tail of some...seemingly pressing things and it doesn't help that my thought process is near broke.

Take every thought captive right?


As the great saying goes, God moves in mysterious ways.
Well my mind works in ways of mystery that quite frankly I at times, don't appreciate. I tend to overlook the day to day things and just stare straight into the far and distant future. Which in itself isn't all that bad..I mean..a man without foresight is blind?..I made that up actually..

I guess, as identified by my personal psychologist, I don't have a problem with the Big Picture God. I believe that ultimately he is in control and is the sovereign Lord of my life.
But in the day to day? I have a problem. Though I have seen Gods amazing hand of provision
countless times in just the last year is astounding..yet I still have trouble hoping for the day to day things.
Hope is dangerous isn't it? You hope..you can get hurt..or your hope can be justified. But why is it that there is so little faith in the justification of hope in comparison to the amount of doubt?
That's not human nature..that's just plain pessimism.

Does that make sense?

God, why is this seemingly straight and narrow road, so bent?

x x

I tell you what.
There's something that stirs inside of me when I see this video:Point of Difference.
I don;t know why...well I do know. Because I know that is what I want to be doing.

I'm not saying that I want to be hairy and Australian...I mean I'd like to be hairy but that;s besides the point.
The point is that with all the words and things that God has shown me, I still don't have a song that I have written.

Someone said something that kinda sent a shock down my spine today:

'God doesn't get annoyed when we do stuff we can't do. He gets annoyed when we don;t do stuff he's told us we can do.'

Now I've had various words from people about writing songs for church and stuff...and I want so very much to write music. And God himself has told me in a vision I had that 'you sound the way you do because I made you that way.'

It's a battle of valuing who you are enough to take the risks.

I remember I used to sit down and write page after page of words. More just emptying my head of all my teen angst I guess, but the words were coming out.

I PRAY for the integrity and creativity of the Holy Spirit.

(Currently reading The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe and Listening to As Cities Burn - Come Now Sleep)

Just a couple of things:

Here are a couple of points that I nicked from an article on the Relevant Magazine website.

1.) It’s hard to feel all that comfortable when you know you’ve left bits and pieces of your self and your soul behind, and failed to value them the way God does. But they can grow back.

2.) Here’s my word of wisdom from the other side of singleness: It’s who you are when you’re single that sets the course for who you’ll be all your life. Be whole, and yes, holy—don’t give yourself away. You’ll miss the pieces you let go.

I must say...I feel a bit more at ease about life...haha momentarily.

x

Let me say

That going it alone is hard. And if I'm honest - no man should have to...well no man does have to does he?

What am I on about?

Well, as I was walking home I was trying to go through some musical ideas in my head and see how they would work for church. You see, I want to write songs for church..it's something that I feel in my blood.
So I was running a couple of little phrases and I was just thinking...what's the difference between a song...you know just a plain song...and something that a congregation/group of people can sing?

I guess as with any kind of creativity, it is a matter of practice...right? Like writing or drawing or whatever...it's a matter of getting into the flow and getting used to it.

I prayed for a way to record and develop ideas. And I have a laptop infront of me that I am sure God gave me. So now I pray for the integrity and creativity.

In all honesty...I'm tired...and long to get some things out of my spirit.


So I keep praying.

And I keep reading the letters in red..til the end of days.

What is the vision? I know Pete Greig begins his challenge of discipleship with that statement, but in all honesty...it's a good question right?

The vision is a journey.
The visions is a body making the decision that they want to join in on the journey.
Where are we headed?
The top of a mountain and through the clouds to a place where oxygen is thin and eagles daren't fly.
Up there fires bure and waters flow.
Life lives.

We all pour out our hearts and physical energies on the climb up the sheer mountain side grazing our knees and scarping our elbows.
But what does that matter to us?
For we know whom we seek.
And we shall seek his glorious face for all our days.
I am a reflection of that glorious face and so are you - so delicately crafted to stand as a giant among dwarves.

I'm sure I've written this many times.
Or atleast that i am beginning to.

But we love because God first loved. We love because God so loved the world that he gave his only son.

That NONE would perish.

My struggle is the response that we give.
It is simply that. It is a response. It's not a show, it's not songs or people.
It is what our voices and hearts were made to do.

Does that make sense?

I never want to be part of a show.

And I regularly pray that if pride creeps into my bones, that God will break me down and humble me. God doesn't need me to lift up his name in a show. He made me to lift up his name and worship.

Christ is the vision.

Christ is the reason.

This is it.

I just got back in from a walk around my favourite little espace 10 minutes walk down the road along the river.
I decided to nick my housemates ipod seeming as mine has declared itself legally dead so that I could spend some time in an open space just singing.
Have you ever tried to press into God and just felt a brick wall stopping you from getting anywhere? You'll open your mouth and boldly form the words

'Father God...'

and...that's all you can get out. You search your mind for words and it's as though you are searching a vast brick wall that has no graffiti on it. None of the memories, thoughts or laments of your heart are there. Then an acute desperation hits...but you soon forget about it because God is always there right?


But this evening I went out with a view to exalt (ooh I like that word) God because that's what God made me to do and singing is how I love to do it.
It's the times when you feel God is the furthest away that actually he is closest (as cliche and overused that analogy is).

We see God in intense visions, worship experiences where we cry and prophecy and speak feverishly in tongues, then God steps back and says

'Now you draw close to me'.

That's the challenge. Some of us run into church and expect each Sunday to be God smacking us around the face and squeezing our hearts the whole 2 hours. But the rest of the week what are we doing?

Read this and think about it for a second:

The vision?
The vision is JESUS.
Obsessively.
Dangerously.
Undeniably.
JESUS.
(The Vision & The Vow-Pete Greig)

As I walked along the river this evening I saw what seemed to be a picture straight out of scripture.
I saw what I could only describe as fog hovering over the waters.

'Now the earth was formless...
and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters' (Genesis ch1v2 NIV)

It was almost as though God was saying something...what I think is for me to figure out and for you to figure if this has made any impact on you whatsoever.

So as I pray and I sing, I want to push into God and into the heart of Jesus.

I want to understand and touch the love that put nails through the hands and feet of the son of God. Surely this man saw something worthwhile in the world and those that would fill it. Jesus is the cause.

I seek.

I pray.

I sing and I cry out for that heart.

Something about an Irresistable Revolution

I feel as though the very basis of my faith has been shaken.
You know why?...because it's almost as though my faith in God has no basis. It's just a way of life.

I am a martyr without a cause.
In complete honesty I would lay down my life for my way of life more than for justice, for others...which is crap.
And I have no idea of how to get the cause...

I want to stand up.
I want to go and learn what justice is.
I guess I could read of it in the bible...that would be the 'christian' thing right?
But to me words are just words.
I can;t see them.
I can;t feel them, smell them or taste them.

O God.

Let us stand rather than expect the world to fall into our hands. Let us go with love.
I pray for the heart of Jesus.
I pray for the same heart that sent a man to die on a cross for people he didn;t know, but would come to know him in time.
I pray for the same heart that sent Nehemiah to Jerusalem some 140 years post the destruction of the city to rebuild the Church that laid in ruins.

I pray and I fast.

I fast and I pray.

Like I've said before. If we are not radicals, then what is the point? What is the point in having our lives so sorted if we are not living with love for those Jesus told us to love.

I want to love with the heart of Christ.

That is all.
That's the only thing I want in life. Forget salaries and cars and houses and a lifestyle. What is it without love?

God - show me.