recovery positional breathing

one thing i've realised...i need to love myself and bear in mind that god loves me so much that he gave christ...you seen the passion?...that was for me...and for you...that just dwarves all my issues...gods love is bigger than anyone, anything, and any force...besides god

You look just like your father

I got a message on my land line no. from someone called claire wishing me a happy easter...I don't know anyone called claire who would have my land line no.
If it was you raise your hand.

What am i doing? I need to be getting my butt in gear with this dissertation...i feel like i'm finished though. I feel like the degree is over and i can get on with life...but i'm not so i need to get my stuff together.

Get your act together boy.

Silence

It's so funny...one of the biggest cliches ever - silence is so loud. You wait in anticipation for something...like a thunderbolt or an answer and the surrounding silence just screams like a juvenile that misses a parent.
Stories. Thats what life is. That's how you learn most effectively i think. When you look through the bible, all that jesus tells us is in the form of story. It's what captivates peoples imaginations and just...
I'm staring at my bookshelf and there are loads of books that i don't need. Sure there are theres things in there that i may find intersting and that might teach me a thing or two. But you don't learn from reading...you learn from the application of ideas to situations.
What can i apply to my life...what do i need to apply to my life?

You know what i think? I think that too many people are going through the world disappointed.

If we spend a few minutes in silence each day gathering thoughts and thinking objectively about life then maybe we would be collectively happier?

(Listening to Norma Jean)

The beginners challenge

Where am i today? Where do i feel like being? do i feel like making a mountain from a molehill or do i feel like being realistic or even pesimistic...truth be told i don't know.
I'm quite excited about going to see Israel and New Breed tonight in london and catching up with a friend.
My life is in my hands. And if i dare to dream then who's to say that the dreams i dream to dream really will come true? (HAHA!!)
If you've spent more than an evening with me or counselled me til the late hours of the morning then you'll know that all i need from time to time is perspective. Thank God for healing.
Thank God for the healing that he brings through the power of the holy spirit.
At least if i was screwed up over it I'm not anymore because of the magic thing that is prayer.
(listening to jill scott when im at work...baaaad)()

Edit Moderation

by going for something in life that you don;t want to do - failing is not disappointment. but attempting to reach your dreams and really going for them comes with what may seem to be a higher risk and sense of anticipation.

Don't be afraid of taking a risk. Greater satisfaction will come from at least attempting your dreams than getting through life having never looked upon them as a viable option.

Why should the fire die?

My sister and brother in law are going to Australia for a year in a few days....it's daunting.
This marks the beginning of a new era. Dan, God and the World....Amazing how much difference one phone call can make. The last few days i've been stuck in a lull...no the last 10-14 days. I've felt sleepy and like...real down...but when you world strikes you down you get back up and you fight. You fight til your knuckles go white from clenching them as fists. I want to defend the desires of my heart and plans that god has made for me from the disruption of sex drugs and drink.
I want to enter this world and...just do what i'm meant to...so i gotta try different things...otheriwse if i don't try how will i know what i'm sposed and not sposed to do?
This is it. This is the start. The start of the rest of my life. And maybe the beginning of an amazing journey...where will it go? I don't know...and to all intents and purposes...i don;t care. As long as I'm living something then i will hoipefully be able to discern whats right for me and what's not.

(Check out Nickel Creek)

Beauty killed the beast

Yes I watched King Kong...who do i contact in regards to getting the last 3 hours of my life back?!
Sure the blonde chick was hot...but the film had pretty much NO substance to it. People go to island insearch of film-making opportunity then find kong. beauty falls in love with the beast. but the film sucks. Life is not happily ever after. life involves struggles that we don't see on film. hollywood is one big farse and i'm growing tired of it. where's the truth? where is the honesty in the media and in the world?
Give us a well tuned and gritty honest break!

i just can?t seem to get past it

Power and purpose

I'm desperatly searching. I'm searching for something to fill the void within. By searching I'm reverting to old ways - old mindsets that I thought and hoped I had left behind.
I don't have the self confidence i should as a christian. I'm searching for personal affirmation and I don't know where to find it. Underneath the cool calm exterior lies a cracked, fragile child longing for a companion.
God should be all of this. I should allow God to be all these things to me and until i do i don't think that i'll find what i'm looking for.
God let my affirmation come from you. Let who i am not be based on the friends i keep or the social circles i move in, but in the blood of the risen king, my christ.
God be my purpose.
i hate this. it happens alot to me. maybe its the attack that i get. god protect me and guard and affirm me with your loving hand

Living Next Door to Malice

1. Neighbours episode titles provide amazing blog post titles
2. ...Home is great...but in small doses.

Thig change. People change. Friendships and relationships change.
I've been on the isle of wight for a few days and the rest has been well recieved. Sleeping til 10 in the morning has been truly amazing.
I went to a little place called Libertys on Union Street and had a hot choc and did the journal thing.
There are so many memories here. Places, smells (not good ones...flippin raw sewage). I've been contemplating coming home to study next term...and ive almost definatly decided against it. It'll be good next term as ill be able to travel and come home more.
These days have felt quite like limbo. Life hasn't really gone anywhere.
Weekend soon...sorry for a break from the profound.

(lestening to israel & new breed)

Easyvision

God i pray that you would help me to see straight. and not get caught up with myself. Thats all i seem to do...is wrap spiderwebs around myself all the time...i have the power to break out from them but i keep spinning them around me.
I don;t want to be a self fulfilling prophecy. I want to break tradition. I want to break curses. I want to reach out from under this self imposed rock and grab hold of the fresh green grass and roll around in the warm moist meadow in the warmth of the sun. I want to stand at the edge of a cliff and scream with every ounce of my body with the frustration that builds up from no-where, i want to run into the sea...I WANT GOD...every fibre in my body is yelling out for its creator...I want to yell out to my creator...I want to commune with God on the highest level.
Father, show me the desires and dreams of my heart.
Help me to rest.
In your name i pray

One Thing

Do you think God cares abot grammar?

Hold on a minute...let me just gather my thoughts

As my good friend DC has told me many a time...University is an awfully strange time for people. You have a new home but it's not really your home because you're never that 100% settled because where you live is where you study. And I'm just coming to the end of that I spose. I just finished the penultimate term of my degree and it feels like now is the end and i just have this overwhelming feeling of uncertainty over my future. I'm searching for the security and certainty of life that society tells us we need. So much of society is based on sex and as a christian im a no-sex-before-marriage-er i feel like we have engrained in us that we have to have a partner and someone to be complete. But because as a christian i don't go down that particular path of life it's almost as if society is screaming at me that i'm incomplete, that i should be in a relationship going somewhere.
But I, Daniel Charles Geroge Barrett, am not in a relationship find myself pining for this feeling that will fill the gap that society tells me there is in my life...*BREEEATHE*...and I realise that...hold on...i need to figure this out...


I can't stop my life from moving into places that god wants me to go because i'm afraid of missing out on something because then i may well be missing out on the very thing that i'm searching for... :-| ...


So what can I do?... first and foremost i thnk i have to figure out what my dreams are. What have i always dreamt of doing? I think that i need to pray about these things and write them down otherwise i'm afraid that i'll end up having a life where i am in full time regret. And i dont want to live a life of regret...i want to live a life where i can say that i didn't miss out on any of lifes opportunities by not being in the right place at the right time.
So what does this mean?...Prayer i suppose. I feel that only through prayer will i realise the true desires of my heart. So i guess i gotta pray and fast and fast and pray. Thing is that fasting isn't really voluntary at the moment! HA!

Anyway...I'm gonna get back to work. Looking forward to sleep!
Dx
(listening to Israel and New Breed Album - Real)

An Affair to Dismember

Stuborness. Not cool. I'm just watching neighbours and it's the whole stef story line with her cancer and not wanting treatment because she's pregnant. It maddens me to see the stubborness of this woman who won't listen to those around her. I can't understand women. They seem to have a bond with kids that men can only build through time.
I kinda half feel mad because this woman won't listen.
After a long absense from here due to having to finish coursework, it's good to be back.
I feel frustrated. I feel annoyed at something and i can't quite figure it out. It's like i can't understand life. We're not supposed to understand life though are we? But I also feel quite disconnected from the world. It's important that as christians we stay connected with each other and since i've had my head buried in my computer and books for the end of term essays etc. But i feel well drained.
There are things that i wish i could figure out. At the moment i just feel like i want to get to the end of this degree as soon as possible. I just want to get on with my life. I feel like i want to be at home. Not as is go back to the Isle of Wight for a long time but i wanna be in a house or in a place where i feel at home.
What is home? Where is home? Why don't i feel as if i'm there?
It's going to take me a few weeks to get over this whole debacle i think.
Lots of rest and sleep and connecting back in and i'm sure everything will be right as rain.

The masterful feats of the Zorroman

What is it about human nature that makes us guys want to be the heros and the girls want to be the rescueees? Is it that God has programmed us this way? I'm just sitting on my housemates laptop tapping out these thoughts...and it's dumbfounding that in modern society this hero stance that we seem to have so ingrained in our hearts has been drummed out because women want the modern man. Women have mucked things up.
They want the sensitivity but they also want the hero stuff. How does such fundamental instincts such as the hero gene get drummed out of us? I think about it and I don't understand it. I don;t understand what women want. They want a hero with a heart...is there such a thing?
So i conclude with a little prayer....
God, give me the courage to be a hero.
Give the boldness to step out of the way and fight.
Amen


(Listening to the oohs and aaahs of housemates watching a Zorro sequel...ooh the thrills)

You knew what this was

Some observations:
- Dreams come and go.
- Music is the soundtrack to our life...just like in hollywood.

And the hollywood thing annoys me. The other day I was walking along the river into Guildford with my ipod gadget listening to Eva Cassidy which is just beautiful. It was a beautiful day aswell which made it worse!! It's like i wanted this walk to be seen by other people...like you see the main character in these scenes and they're pivotal moments in the film that youre enduring. But... it wasn't...and that annoyed me i spose.
I've been taught by hollywood that dreams come true...and I'm learning that they don't as we have been shown...and it pisses me off.
But unlike in hollywood as a christian i see dreams that got puts in the heart of man come true in so much more a satisfying nature. Marriages last, familys work, love lasts. But why?
One thing that seems to be prominent in christian life is that when we do things in our own strength they dont last.
It's like the trinity. Things work in 3's.

God blesses us whatever we do.

Lord bless me in what i do.

(listening to far-less and my gospel choir rehearsals)

I like things to be the same length

So i realise that the last post tht i did about bloggers and indeed my own arrogance was a bit harsh. And I apologise to those who read it.
There was something that was on my mind yesterday as I was cooking my dinner...a good friend of mine has an album of songs called adventures in lofi - a collection of unfinished songs.
And it ocurred to me...is there ever such a thing as an finished work or piece of art? For example...a painting isn't called a work of art until its finished and can be appreciated in its fulness. A song isn't called finished until its finished...until then its a group of ideas...ideas of verses, choruses etc.
So then I ask...what therefore is life? A collection of verses, choruses and brush strokes? Phillipians 1 v 6 says 'And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.'
What can be taken from this? I suppose that life is a series of brush strokes and as the painter and grand designer, God chooses where and when things go and they are masterful strokes.
One thing that came up in church a couple of weeks ago when we had a guest speaker in from Bath was that God is never early nor late, but ALWAYS on time.
One thing that I as a christian need to do is trust that God will come through with impeccable timing...it works. But our modern culture has turned us into a generation and people that want things when we demand them. I'm certainly guilty of it. We all however have the opportunity to trust God with each day in both small and large things.
Trust is hard to give but easy to recieve.
D x

This whole blogging thing

I think it's quite funny that by doing a blog and by publicly posting your inner most thoughts you are therefore in turn putting a high value on what goes on in your own head. So because of this would it be fair to say that millions of people across the world are day by day becoming increasingly more arrogant with the growing confidence in the importance of their own words and knowledge?
Maybe I'm being over analytical.... :-
What's going on today? I just want to ask one question. Whay are we constantly trying to be like other people in our deeds? Granted we need to be Christ like in all that we do as Christians. But in terms of musical writing styling or novel writing or comedians everyone is a combination of predecessors. I spose that as an artist or creative individual your work will almost always be compared and placed next to the work of others that have gone before you. But why is it that critics feel the need to pigeonhole everyone? Is it because of our modern culture? Do we as consumers need the comfort and knowledge that what we are listening to or indulging ourselves in is an extension of our current culture or base of operations creatively? (what a mouthful!)

So I therefore challenge any artists including myself who are reading this or just passing through to set out to do the following: Not to re-write history with what you do - but to indeed WRITE history.

You don't go to your friends 'Oh you're exactly like Paul fromthe Bible' or 'You're character traits are reminiscent of Esther crossed with John the Baptist'. So why paint artists and aswell individuals with the genre brush.
How can this effect our personal lives? Christian or not I suppose my only answer would be that we must instead of modelling ourselves on the individuals in newspapers or magazines we must model ourselves on Christ. Old news isn;t it.
Just goes to show that I am re-writing this stance of critical thinking.
Argh philosophy sucks.

D x

(listening to Pat Metheny)

weary eyed

It's 7.53 in the am in cloudy Guildford, Surrey. I'm just sitting at my desk listening to the latest Hillsong United album.
I seem to be in a place where I'm questioning everything that christianity is about socially. Like the method and way that we worship in church. Why do we have to follow a set pattern of how ever many praise songs followed by however many worship songs and make sure that we have our connection with God in the time set out for us? Why can't we be in church for 4 hours in the morning and just wait for Gods Spirit to fall on the place and do its thing?
Obviously there are the evident time restrictions that some churches may have with buildings and such. But why are things done the way are done ONLY because that's how they've always been done? (If that makes sense....) Would it be so bad if we were to take church as we are told we should have it, take the spiritual elements that God tells us we should have and then ruffle some feathers?
I suppose it's not something that can change immediatly by just waking up one morning and deciding 'Right lets turn how we do church on it's head!'. Because of the nature of people something like this needs to be done over a prolonged period of time. That's why God gives visions to people and changes hearts and attitudes in an instant i spose. So that these people can deliver new visions and light up new passions.
I don't know...I'm just rambling.
I have to go play at church now.
God bless

I am SOO pomo

Well, I'm finally here on the post-modernism boat grasping at my 15 minutes of fame of the great stage of the world wide web.
What do I do with this thing? Advertise the various works I do, use it to write down pieces of wisdom from my journal?...I think I'll do the latter.
so that will make everything short and sweet.

The Role of God.
How to christians see God? I think that it's possible for many of us to believe whether a christian or not that God is an accessory. Someone that will when asked for something deliver at the click of a finger *click*.
My revelation from today? God is not a baby sitter. He doesn't run around the house getting everything for you and won't chase you up to bed when you're wasting time playing on the playstation. No.
God is a father. A father that gives opportunity to his sons and daughters. A father that gives the necessary tools to his children and watches with joy when they succeed in the tasks that they set out on. God will go ahead and prepare the way for us. But he isn;t going to make the journey.
That is up to us.

How is this applicable?...I'll get back to you on that one.